Top 10 Reasons why the Empire is better than the Rebel Alliance:
(a Top 10 List by That Stormtrooper Guy)
10) Star Destroyers are Aerodynamic - true this doesn't really give the ship any better maneuverability in space.... but it just looks cool!!! Like a giant gray slice of yummy pie floating around blowing stuff up!
9) Health Benefits - The Empire truly does have an amazing Health Benefit plan. Granted most Imperial never get injured... only killed. Now that I think about it, it would be better if we had an amazing Life Insurance plan. But the Rebel's sure don't have a good Health plan!
8) The Bosses have Red Lightsabers - Yeah you know you're jealous... there really is no cooler color for a lightsaber than Red.
7) Comfort on base - I mean other than that whole Death Star fiasco... Imperials don't need to keep looking over their shoulders in their own base. Rebels?... you have to hide on the most unfit for life planets known to man, bith, and hutt.
6) Ease of Language - It's allll Galactic Basic for us my friends. With the Empire's strict No Alien policy... you don't have to worry about learning all different alien languages just to go about your day to day work. Take that Horse Head Rebel Pilot Guy!!
5) AT-ATs - I mean come on... Who doesn't love giant robot camels that rebel lasers can't shoot through (except at the neck... hmmm we should look into that)
4) Climbing the Corporate Ladder - How long do you sit at your desk hoping for a promotion some day. In the Empire... your boss could get strangled any day and you could be instantly promoted. The Empire has the highest # of promotions in the entire galaxy! Also the highest on the job casualty rate but that's just details.
3) The DEATH STAR!!! - I mean... come on... that's no moon... that's a moon that will blow you up! What's that? the Death Star. What does it do? It does DEATH!!!
2) Galactic Domination - Rebel Alliance may be a group of freedom fighters rallying support for their geurilla tactics... but the Empire has control of the Galaxy! We are stationed everywhere keeping the peace. We are THE POWER!
AND FINALLY...
1) The Armor baby Yeah!!! - After all, what did you expect me to put down for number 1? I'm That Stormtrooper Guy... of course it's the sleek, shiny, sexy and awesome STORMTROOPER ARMOR! Take that Rebel Scum with your camo or flightsuits!
I have to admit that the rebels really are very poorly dressed. I mean c'mon, the only time they turn heads is when someone vomits at the sight of them.
ReplyDeleteMy favorites on the list are #4 and #9 - in that order. I'm an obviously morbid kind of guy though.
Kudos on making such an awesome list though!
This post rules.
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